What Kills a Relationship, 4 Things to Run FromJuly 3, 2020
Self Awareness, Really Seeing MeAugust 6, 2020
How to Tell If Your Relationship Has a Solid Foundation
There is no crystal ball that will accurately predict whether the love you initially feel in a new relationship will last for decades to come, much less the next year. However, given human behavior which has been studied extensively, there are some patterns one can look for that have become predictable factors of a very solid love-building relationship. Here are 10 of them that most long-lasting loves have in common:
- Comfortable Development – A key factor in wanting to share, experience and enjoy a relationship with someone is being extremely comfortable with that person. Time and again, a relationship that moves too fast or too slow for one partner versus another often ends up friction. Where the relationship is moving at a pace both are comfortable with, these unions often end up developing into a long-lasting love authors write about and movies are made of.
- Trusting Bonds – Trust is essential in a relationship. Each partner needs to know confidently that his or her partner would never even think of doing something negative to the other or the relationship. That trust becomes implicit and automatic over time. It’s also evident in that neither partner would ever feel insecure enough to want to “test” the other just to be sure they are loyal. The Pew Research Center found anywhere from 23 to 34 percent of respondents, depending on age, didn’t have sufficient trust of their partners’ social media activities. Solid partners won’t even bother to be distracted by this aspect of modern communication.
- Honest Communication – No ever wants their partner to be a robot and differences come up. However, honest communication allows two partners to know, learn and protect each other. Honesty allows each partner to anticipate the other’s needs and wants correctly, which in turn build and reinforce the love that allows open conversation on just about anything.
- Independent Living – Both partners have the ability to live freely without feeling constrained or limited by the other. They share freely with each other but they also have the ability to have their own space too when desired.
- Respect the Other – Solid partners won’t tear down the other, no matter the topic or issue. They have a solid respect that draws a line between having a difference and being vitriolic towards the other.
- Equal Standing – Partners in true love see each other as full and equal. While each might have strengths and weaknesses different from the other, they both maintain a balance. There is no situation where one does all the speaking, all the decisions, or dictates all the directions. Both are equally invested in every aspects of the relationship and it feels automatically equal in every development.
- Acts of Kindness are Regular – Acccording to the Gottman research, for every negative interactions during a conflict, there are five or more positive ones. The care in a loving relationship speaks in actions. Both partners regularly and frequently find ways to intentionally make the other one happier, fulfilled, care for and loved. They are there as a support line when things are rough, and they root on for the other when things are great. During great challenges, historically, kindness and caring have driven greater bonds; experts note that during the 2009 Recession divorces dropped by 20 percent as people went through hard times together, and they expect the same now in 2020.
- Responsible Roles – Both partners own their roles and behavior. There is no blaming the other. If something goes wrong, both try to assess what they did that was a mistake and both try to find common ground to fix it. Love is rooted in acknowledging imperfection and owning its results for the sake of the other.
- Differences are Okay – Partners in love are not mirrors of each other. They can easily and regularly have differences, even opposing opinions or wants, but they are willing to accept that and still keep the relationship whole. Neither partner ever allows the matter to escalate into personal attacks or an argument.
- Fun is a Priority – There isn’t a phase of voluptuous love and then 40 years of mundane family-raising and working in a loving relationship. Instead, both partners are spontaneous and look for ways to spark things up, have fun, go experience new things and develop good times for the fun of it. The more they have fun with each other, the deeper bonds grow to have, no surprise, more fun together.
Love clearly is a result of a process of partners working together and building a foundation of what makes them live as a whole. And those who show the signs above on a consistent basis oftentimes find a lasting love that sticks through thick and thin, no matter what happens.